These are a few poems and things about and for our angels.
You cant win with me
You can't Win with me
If you say to me "How are you doing?" with such
sympathy and meaning in your voice.
reply "I'm fine" and brush you off, because to talk
about my loss with you today is just too painful.
If you see me and don't mention the loss that is
consuming my thoughts, I think you don't care enough,
or are too scared to mention it for fear that you
might upset me.
You can't win with me.
If you say "I'm sorry your baby died," it is hard for
me to reply to that.
What do you expect me to say?
I want to say "I'm sorry too!" or "It's awful"
I want to scream "It's not fair"
But I won't because I don't want to upset myself
today, not in front of you. So I reply "Thank you"
That thanks means so much more than that.
It means thanks for caring, thanks for trying to help,
thanks for realising that I'm still in pain.
If you don't know what to say to me that's okay
because I don't know what to say to you either.
If you see me smile or laugh don't assume I must have
forgotten my baby for the moment, I haven't, I can't,
I never will.
Tell me that I look good today.
I will know what you mean.
I'm getting good at picking up unspoken cues from you.
If you see me and think I look upset or sad, you are
probably right.
Today might be an anniversary day for me, or some
event might have triggered a wave of grief in me.
If you don't say anything Ill think you don't care
about me, but if you do say something, it might make
me feel worse.
You could try asking if I want to talk , but don't be
surprised if I say no.
You can't win with me.
Don't give up on me, please don't give up.
I need your attempts however feeble, however trite
you might feel they are
I need your thoughts
I need your prayers.
I need your love.
I need your persistence.
I need all that but most of all I need to be treated
normally, like it used to be before all this
happened.
But I know it's impossible.
That carefree, naive person is gone forever, and I am
mourning that loss too.
So you can't win with me.
© Jane Warland 1996
The Face of God
The Face Of God
No mortal tongue could speak the words,
your saddened heart desires to hear.
No pen could write words of wisdom,
to make your burden less to bear.
We must release the ones we cherish,
for they seek their mansion in the sky.
We must not question the choice,
why it was she, not you nor I.
She's now viewed things we've not yet seen,
walked paths we've not yet trod.
She does not wish to turn back now,
she's seen the face of God.
Wendell Ray Wilhelm
In memory of my baby sister
Brittney Marie Bunch
October 29-1999 to December 06-1999
(S.I.D.S.)
Copyright ©2002 Wendell Ray Wilhelm
Before I was a Mom....
Before I was a Mom:
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried
about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was Mom:
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys,
or forgot words to lullabies.
Before I was a Mom:
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom I had never been puked on Pooped on Spit on
Chewed on
Peed on
Or pinched by tiny fingers
Before I was a Mom:
I had complete control of,
My thoughts My body
And my mind.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom:
I never held down a screaming child so that
doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby
sleep.
Before I was a Mom:
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect
my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom:
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart
outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a
hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her
child.
I didn't know that something so small could make
me feel so important.
Before I was a Mom: I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
Every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay
I had never known the warmth
The joy
The love
The heartache The fulfillment
Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much
before I was a Mom.
BEFORE I WAS A MOM, I NEVER TRUELY UNDERSTOOD THE VALUE OF A MOTHER
Send this to someone who you think is a special
MOM or to someone who you think will be a great MOM one day!
©Tawnie Berry
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